Well, as you may know (if you know me) I deleted my
Facebook, Twitter, YouTube and Blog somewhat sporadically. However, what you don’t know is the full story; there was a reason behind it
and now that I can examine the panoramic view of it all, I can see what I learned. I went to a prayer
conference November 9th and 10th of 2012 and I was on the
way back high in the sky. Interestingly,
I found myself running back into an old thought pattern, something I wished I
could be fully free of. Before all of
that though, it’s important for me to tell you not long before, I was in my
prayer closet and God gave me the scripture 1 Corinthians 10:12. The Bible says “wherefore let him that
thinketh he standeth take heed lest he fall.”
When I read that I was like, “Ok, hope that isn’t for me, but inwardly I
knew and remembered that everything in the Word of God will happen in the life of a Christian (good and bad). After the prayer
conference I was home and God dealt with my heart to fast from the time I was
approaching (11 or 12 AM?) until 9 the next night, just water, so I
started. It was relatively late and
something happened to me. I was thinking
God was speaking to me about something specific and it was just “too much” you
know, God is a Person who doesn’t speak many words, but His Words are powerful
enough, even if it’s but a few of them.
When I realized this wasn’t the Lord I immediately started to
panic. I was lying on the bed with my
head down and all the lights off saying inwardly things like “Lord, please let
this not be true, tell me this isn’t happening.” I repeated these sayings over and
over and I have never had a panic attack, but this was probably the closest I
could have ever been. I started to get
angry at God over what was taking place, I mean after-all I thought God was
confirming what I was speaking about and desiring throughout the whole conference. A week or so earlier I felt the Spirit
leading me to write a blog, I thought it was for someone else, lol, so I
did. It was on the betrayal of Jesus by
Peter. It was called something like “How
to Recover after a Fall.” As I read
these scriptures before Choir Rehearsal I was like “wow, far out, awesome” I
was just so excited because God showed me three things I have never seen
before. God showed me how Peter
remembered the words of Jesus, went out (sanctified himself) and then he wept
bitterly (repented, broken over sin).
As
I was writing this, I didn’t know why, but I remember clearly and vividly, one
day God spoke to my heart and I will admit, many times I believed God was
speaking and it wasn’t, but this was Him.
I can mark a spot on the very place where I was in a car by the “Duck
Pond” and God spoke to me and said “Adam, everything you preach you will live.”
I was highly intimidated by that statement, because I knew I would have to talk
about unforgiveness and things and unforgiveness is something that separates
us from God. So, as I wrote this blog, I
just figured “hey, may God bless the one who this is for.” The night of the anger towards God lead me down
a rough road. I was super angry at God, “why
did You let me believe this.” “I can’t believe You would do this to me.” “I’ve
done so much for You and You can’t just let this one thing happen, what’s wrong
with You?” I said these things in varied forms probably over four hundred times
inwardly over the next 24 hours. So as I
was angry at God I was like “if I turn that computer on I will delete
everything I have ever done” as if that was a big threat. Peter denied Jesus three times, one involved
cursing, denying he knew Him and just flat out denial of who Jesus was, I was
about to do each of these. In my anger I
cussed inwardly to separate myself from God because of sin, sin does separate you from God.
In my anger I opened the computer, deleted
the blog and that took an effect on me, but as I went to my YouTube page “ObtainThePromise”
I deleted that and something inside of me broke, I literally felt something in
my belly break it was strange and immediately I started crying saying “it’s all
gone, everything is gone.” Immediately still in anger I deleted the back-up YouTube
account I had. Face to face with denying
Jesus, I ripped His Words apart, I said “I don’t even know who You are, why
would You do this type of stuff to me, why would You let me get deceived about
this again, why didn’t You do something, why didn’t You stop this from
happening?” I was denying Jesus. In time I realized that the anger wasn’t
satisfying anything. I was fully committed to quitting school, because
after-all I go to a Christian College and take Christian classes and in order
to fully move away from God, that would of course have to stop. The only thing that stopped that was I didn’t
even know what to do and the thought of getting student loans piling in the
mail. So, the next best thing was to
take my preaching license that was framed and give it to my Pastor or slide it
under his door and just leave. I was done, I was heated. Interestingly, Sunday
which was virtually the night this all took place I was in Sunday School
telling the class how I wanted to give up at a time and give my Pastor my
preaching license, that was strange because it was about to take place.
However, it didn’t I was still angry
though. In my rage I cussed to and at God. I was sick of this stuff,
how could God not let me have one thing after I gave my life to Him, after I
planned on serving Him and left so much behind for Him? One thing, God couldn’t
do one thing for me? I sacrificed everything for Him, I felt entitled to
something that I knew only God could make happen. I was mad at God, I’ve been
mad before but this was furious, this was Nebuchadnezzar mad, heating it up 7
times hotter than ever before. I was so
upset, but time took place and I was driving around going to get something to
eat because it was about 8:30 or so and I figured after I got the food and got
back home I would be able to break the fast. I have no clue why I would fast
still, I personally didn’t care to eat, but I got this food and started to eat
around 9 and whatever was on me was lifted. I realized where I was and what
took place and felt that remorse for my sin, you see what I did was do exactly what
I wrote about in my blog. I like Peter
was a person who was boastful in my relationship to Jesus. I thought I was some sort of spiritual
super-hero and that nothing could sway me from God. I felt untouchable so to
speak, I am sure I felt like I was better than some people, unfortunately, even
though I would never desire that, things like that are rooted in pride and I
was about to find out.
In the blog that
I wrote, I wrote something very prophetic because remember, what I preach I
would live. I wrote (November 5th
2012) “The Bible tells us earlier in this chapter that Peter was bragging about
his commitment to God. (Matthew 26:33) The
Bible says “Wherefore let him that thinketh he standeth take
heed lest he fall.” (1 Corinthians
10:12) In other words, you shouldn’t boast about being super close to God
or religious, because if you walk in pride and arrogance, you are bound
to fall. The Bible tells us
pride comes before the fall (Proverbs
16:18) and this is what Peter at the moment was exhibiting, pure pride.”
What a crazy thing to write, that was exactly what was taking place in my life. The blog I wrote “mysteriously” was for
me. I was living what I was preaching. I
guess on a good note it was Spirit led, but beyond that, the pain of that
betrayal of Jesus was beyond belief. I felt so bad after 9 PM and I was like “Lord,
look it’s all gone, all of my videos and everything I did, it’s gone.” I was
immediately filled with regret, but I learned some things throughout this
process.
What I learned…
I learned that when I felt like I was so close to God, I didn’t know
it, but I was about to fall farther away from God than I have ever been. Though I started to backslide, I wanted
inwardly to protect my testimony, because I knew no matter what I would
still come back to God. I knew inwardly
this was temporary though the anger and frustration wasn’t a façade. It was
real.
I learned that I thought I was above others and I beat the sheep of
God instead of feeding them. I realized
that I wasn’t as loving as I could have been, when I saw people “not where I
was” I tended to judge them and criticize them inwardly, like “how can you keep
doing that?” [Peter said “though all
forsake you I NEVER WILL] I wasn’t being who God was creating me to be, I
was simply being carnal with an outer coating of spirituality. I didn’t treat my brothers and sisters who
have fallen away from God or have been struggling with the love that Jesus
wanted me to produce. I didn’t pray for
them like I should, because after-all if they hurt me and they lived in sin so
what, right? That’s not love, much of
what we hear about loving our enemies is not at all love, it’s not love to want
them to struggle or to be happy when they do “love rejoiceth not in iniquity.”
I learned that falls happen in a Christian’s life and everyone has
lapses of faith, no matter how strong they are.
Abraham lied about Sarah and Isaac lied about his wife. Peter “went fishing” and betrayed Jesus. John
Mark left the Missionary Journeys. Paul was furious with John Mark. Every
Christian has lapses of faith, but now I see the great need to be aware of them
and pray for them.
I learned that pride isn’t always seen in conduct, but in inward character.
I learned that God allows some bad things to happen when you refuse
to surrender your will to Him, not to hurt you, but to help you.
I learned that I kept opening the door for the devil to run my life
by wanting a wife. I realized that finally, it was not a lust problem, it was not a desire of my heart
problem, it was not a God
aint doin it problem, it wasn’t
a “is this her” problem and it definitely wasn’t
“it just aint the right time” problem. It was a me problem. As I was up after all that took place I was
just admiring the faith of Stephen and started looking things up on him. My Mom and Dad gave me a “John Macarthur
Topical Bible” for my Birthday and I was just flipping through that and I
looked “randomly” at a page and it was talking about rebellion and self-willed
people, Pastors aren’t supposed to be self-willed (not claiming I am a Pastor,
that was the scripture used). As I
looked at this it finally hit me, the whole wanting a wife thing wasn’t any of
what I listed above, it was just flat out rebellion. Earlier before this, I was still angry and it’s
as if God spoke to my heart and said something like why don’t you surrender
that to Me (the desire for a mate) and I inwardly replied back, “never,
I will never give that up.” You see, at the moment I didn’t even know
it was rebellion or pride, I was just so angry, but when I read that I realized
“man, I am walking in rebellion to the plan of God.” You see I was fighting
that in my own strength the whole time. I was walking around trying to hate
relationships, trying to hate the thought of being with someone, trying to
muster up the courage to never trust someone again and even making excuses
saying “it’s ok, I can’t trust anyone either, I’ll just get cheated on.” It’s irrelevant now though, it’s not about a wife.
It’s all about Jesus Christ and His will being done in my
life. My life was sort of governed by God,
except for that major part. Now, there are things I am doing that I am sure are
not the perfect plan of God, but those will go too, but I must say this, the
stronghold of the century for me was
“wanting a mate.” The Lord broke me to bless me. I don’t know all the way what the blessing
is, but I am certain of this, my sin was rebellion. I was flattened after that,
I realized “what in the world, this whole time it was rebellion towards God?!”
It was devastating to know that the whole struggle wasn’t me trying to be with
someone, it was me trying to be god, it was me trying to do my own will,
fulfilling my own plan and designing my own life, it was rebellion it was pure
pride and I was coveting control of my own life. It was a disaster, that’s what
I can say about my whole four or more years of dealing with this, like
Peter, there were many times when Jesus was breaking his pride and
self-will. Every time you look, Peter
was out in the open doing his thing, but Jesus kept hammering away at his
ego. He would always talk first and
Jesus said “you’re acting like the devil, get behind me satan.” Peter did
everything he could, like me and even boasted “I’ll never leave you, I’m sold
out for You God, I’ve given up so much for You God” only to betray Jesus three
times and then be fully broken under the mighty hand of God. Later to preach
the Pentecost sermon that saved 3000 souls.
I learned that Adam hurts Adam, not necessarily God.
I learned that so often God speaks so clearly through me that I miss
God, oh God, I miss Him so often! I was on the bus talking to the prayer team
and I said specifically “sometimes God
will let you fall to humble you.” That was absolutely prophetic in nature,
specifically for me and was about to take place within a matter of hours.
I learned that the Bible is absolute truth and no matter how much I
wish I wouldn’t have done anything against Christ, though I deleted my YouTube
the only thing I regretted was the people, I was hurting people, but what I
regretted towards Christ was the fact that I cussed Him.
I learned that even my prayers can be prophetic in nature and reveal
the plan of God. He can do it with yours too.
I was reading the blog “How to Recover after a Fall” and I had a prayer
before and after the blog typed, and as I was typing this part I thought “why
would I write this Lord?” It was God speaking to me through me. The prayer was “Let my life shine brighter because of the
fall.” I didn’t understand why I said “because of the fall” as far as I
was concerned it wasn’t for me and I didn’t fall.
I learned that His Grace is real. He is compassionate and will pardon
our sins if we ask. The next part of the prayer was “Like Peter, let it be used as a
testimony that Jesus Christ is absolutely awesome and filled with grace.” Like
Paul I can stand and acknowledge: “However, I was treated with mercy so that
Christ Jesus could use me, the foremost sinner, to demonstrate his patience.
This patience serves as an example for those who would believe in him and live
forever.” ~ 1 Timothy 1:16
The truth of the matter is, yea, I
deleted what I worked hard for, but that’s the thing, it was me working hard,
this time God can do it and I can see Him work in it and perform His will. Only God knows where He is taking me, where He is taking us, however one thing is sure He loves you. I learned that He loves me just as much as
when I cuss Him out as when I open the door for an older lady uttering a prayer
or praying in tongues or praying for a Pastor who is new or serving on a new
choir or ministry, God loves me unconditionally and the proof of that is the
fact that He has graced me to be able to start over, but this time, He is in
charge and He can direct my service to Him.
After all of this taking place I
asked for a scripture or something from the Lord. I got two...
and
“No weapon that is formed against thee shall prosper; and every tongue that shall rise against thee in judgment thou shalt condemn. This is the heritage of the servants of the LORD, and their righteousness is of me, saith the LORD.” ~ Isaiah 54:17
_____________________________________________________________
Have you accepted Jesus Christ as
your personal Lord and Savior?
If not, here’s what you are missing.
You are missing satisfaction in life. You are missing the blessings of
God in and through your life. You are missing the blessing of being able to
know God intimately and know Him for the pardoning of your sins. You are missing the blessing of being able to
serve God and impact your community and the world around you. You are missing the beauty of God revealing
Himself to you and helping you in your daily life. You are missing out on such
great things. God wants the best for you
and His best starts with you admitting you have sinned against Him and that you
need a Savior for your sins, that Savior is Jesus Christ. Like me, will you rebel against God’s plan
and will for your life? Will you submit to Gods will so He can save you and
redirect your life? God can get you off
any drugs, any habit or addiction, nothing can stop God and God will stop at
nothing to stop it from stopping you from reaching your full potential for
Christ. God loves you so much, why wait
and why reject His message. If you want
to be saved for-real, just pray this prayer:
“Lord Jesus, I have sinned, I am a sinner, I have sinned and will sin, but I
have sinned only against You. Lord, I am in need of Your forgiveness. I believe
You died for my sins and You rose from the dead. I believe You are God and that
You have the capability to forgive me of my sins and cleanse me from my
unrighteousness. Lord, please save me and draw me to You by Your grace. Fill me
with Your Spirit. Baptize me in Your power and help me to live a lifestyle that
is pleasing in Your sight. Give me victory over temptation, Lord, strengthen me
to be all who You want me to be please in Jesus Name! AMEN!”
"God loved the world this way:
He gave his only Son so that everyone who believes in him will not die but will
have eternal life." ~ John 3:16 (God’s Word Translation)
"That
if you confess with your mouth Jesus as Lord, and believe in your heart
that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved; for with the heart a
person believes, resulting in righteousness, and with the mouth he confesses, resulting
in salvation. For
the Scripture says, “Whoever believes in Him will not be [disappointed.” For
there is no distinction between Jew and Greek; for the same Lord is Lord
of all, abounding in riches for all who call on Him; for “Whoever will call on the
name of the Lord will be saved.” ~ Romans 10:9-13 (NASB)
These links may help you in your walk with Jesus Christ. I urge you to take a look at some and
remember to draw closer to God through studying His Word and praying daily for
yourself and most importantly, others.
God Bless!
[List of Bible Promises!
http://www.intouch.org/resources/gods-promises?page480=2 ]
"So then faith cometh by hearing, and hearing by the word of God."
~ Romans 10:17 (King James Version)
http://www.cbn.com/spirituallife/PrayerAndCounseling/index.aspx [Prayer
Request; Have someone online pray for you!]
"The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces
wonderful results." ~ James 5:16 (New Living Translation)
http://www.OurPrayer.org [Prayer Request; People from all over the world can
pray for YOU, simple, fast, free and beneficial.]
http://www.Bible.cc [Great site for searching through the Bible and
comparing each version, also charts, commentaries and dictionaries]
"Don’t get drunk on wine, which leads to wild living. Instead, be
filled with the Spirit." ~ Ephesians 5:18 (Gods Word Translation)
http://www.biblegateway.com [Great site for Bibles of various kinds and
various languages]
"A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the
bones." ~ Proverbs 14:30 (New International Version)
http://www.Christianword.org [Great site for prayers; affirmations,
scripture references etc.]
http://www.e-sword.net [Great site to download Bible software; commentaries,
dictionaries, maps, charts, various Bibles]
"A patient person [shows] great understanding, but a quick-tempered one
promotes foolishness." ~ Proverbs 14:29 (Holman Christian Standard Bible)
http://www.twft.org [Pastor Chuck Smith's Through The Bible audio sermons]
http://www.c28.com [Christian Clothing, etc.]
http://www.intouch.org/itrn?utm_source=ITM&utm_medium=Web&utm_campaign=Home_top_slider
[In Touch Ministries 24/7 Radio Broadcast Online; Free Streaming]
http://www.intouch.org/resources/gods-promises?page480=2 [List of Bible
Promises! (Easy to Print)]
"In the fear of the LORD there is strong confidence, And his children
will have refuge." ~ Proverbs 14:26 (New American Standard Bible)
http://www.wmpress.org [FREE Christian Tracts] [Shipped to your doorstep for
free.] [Pass out, leave somewhere (school, bus stop, grocery store, mall,
shopping center, etc.), send in a Birthday, Holiday or Christmas Card; Simple
ways to plant seeds of faith in people, even without speaking.]
[ORDER FORM for WMPRESS.ORG] http://www.wmpress.org/booklet_order.php [BOOKLETS/STUDY GUIDES/ GOSPEL TRACTS
AVAILABLE TO ORDER FROM WMPRESS.ORG] http://www.wmpress.org/bksavail.shtml
http://www.intouch.org/about/in-touch-messenger/messenger-downloads
[Download 35 POWERFUL sermons from Charles Stanley in less than five minutes,
compressed ZIP FILE.] [3 Languages; Pray for the Ministry of donating, giving
and supplying these handheld devices to spread the Gospel to the remote areas
of the world and throughout the 'known' world.] [Pray!]
"For, Whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be
saved." ~ Romans 10:13 (American Standard Version)
http://www.thruthebible.org/site/c.irLMKXPGLsF/b.4104233/k.BFE1/MP3_Download_of_5Year_Series.htm
[Dr. J Vernon McGee's Through The Bible 5 Year Series; Free downloads]
[THREE Great Biblical Prayers Ephesians 3:14-21, Ephesians 1:16-20 &
Colossians 1:9-14, pray them for you and others!]
http://www.biblegateway.christianbook.com [Buy Christian Bibles, great
selection of Study Bibles, commentaries, audio sermons, books, clothing, music,
gifts, art; etc.]
http://www.intouch.org/broadcast/today-on-radio [Charles Stanley's daily
radio broadcast; also clicking 'Audio Archives' can allow you to search years
back and download more of his radio broadcasts]
"I pray that the God who gives hope will fill you with much joy and
peace while you trust in him. Then your hope will overflow by the power of the
Holy Spirit." ~ Romans 15:13 (New Century Version)
http://www.intouch.org/broadcast/this-week-on-tv [Charles Stanleys 'This
Week on TV' site; clicking 'Video Archives' can allow you to search back and
find older Television shows; He also has sermon notes available on each
show/segment]
"And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured
into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us." ~
Romans 5:5 (English Standard Version)
http://www.twft.com/?page=C2000 [Pastor Chuck Smiths c2000 Through The Bible
series; free downloads of book by book, verse by verse Bible study/commentary]
"May God give you more and more grace and peace as you grow in your
knowledge of God and Jesus our Lord." ~ 2 Peter 1:2 (New Living
Translation)
http://twft.com/?page=Radio.Main [Pastor Chuck Smiths Radio Broadcast; 25
minutes of study on the Word of God. c3000 edition]
[Study Bibles I suggest looking at; at CBD.com] 'Life in The Spirit Study
Bible' 'Zondervan Study Bible' Nelson KJV Study Bible' and 'ESV Study Bible.'
Christian Books; "Disciplines of The Holy Spirit" by Tan/Gregg;
"How to Listen to God" by Charles Stanley; "Living Waters"
by Pastor Chuck Smith; "Handbook for Christian Living" by Charles
Stanley;
"That I may KNOW Him" ~ Philippians 3:10
Start your day off with a Word from God; Prayer and a Song of Praise/Worship
THE ROYAL PRAYER LINE
Every Wednesday Morning
6:15 a.m. - 6:30 a.m.[EASTERN USA TIME]
Dial-in# (712) 432-1001
Access Code: 491276491#
Just Listen and Be Blessed!!!
http://www.ustream.tv/channel/royal-baptist-sunday-services [PAST SERVICES
OF ROYAL MISSIONARY BAPTIST; SUNDAY SERVICES 8 AND 11 AM; Special Events and
Bible Study as well] Enjoy!
http://royalmbc.org/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=58&Itemid=109
[My Churches Live Streaming; Sunday's at 8 AM & 11 AM. Thursdays for Bible
Study 7 PM; Enjoy, there IS a Word from The LORD!]
No comments:
Post a Comment
Please be respectful in your comments knowing people of all ages can see this blog.
"Each one of us must please his neighbor for his good, to build him up." ~ Romans 15:2 (HCSB)